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Semi-meaningful Musing: Moving for your Partner

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Chic 'n Cheap Living: Semi-meaningful Musing: Moving for your Partner

Chic 'n Cheap Living

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Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Semi-meaningful Musing: Moving for your Partner

How far would you move for your partner?  I've moved 9532 miles or 15340 kilometers for my husband.  Oooh yeah that's a long flight.  We had said that we would move for the person that got the better job first.  Mr. Gadget got an amazing opportunity in Singapore - one that could potentially put us into a much more comfortable financial situation.  So of course, we started packing and prepping for this trip.


The only other option was for me to stay in NYC where I had more of a professional network. I know a few couples that had done or are doing long distance (as in different countries!)  But I remember one of those friends remarking "Long-distance is hard, but the saddest or scariest part is getting used to living your life without (your partner)."  Sigh, we already lived very separate lives when I was in grad school and the distance and separation of lifestyles was taxing on us.  I admire couples that can live apart but we knew that wasn't an option for us.
From here

But moving, compromising, and setting aside your immediate (and possible impacting your future) goals isn't easy either.   I'm a woman with a pretty solid academic and professional background.  I'm also distinctly aware that I only have limited years to fully concentrate on my career before any family possibilities could change everything.  Moving for your partner is definitely one of the ultimate tests of compromise.


I don't know if there's necessarily a magic formula for how to make it work.  For me, it's been about prioritization, faith and hard work.  If your prioritization is the relationship, then make that choice as hard as it may be on your other choices.  Then use both faith and your own perseverance to make the move work for you.  I'm in that process now - being open about the opportunities, getting to know our new neighborhoods, and of course hanging out with the Mr.   It's not always easy, but it gets easier.  Anyway, what use are my Chic 'n Cheap finds and adventures if I didn't have Mr. Gadget (or Spend 'n Chomp, his other name) to share them with me?


Oh and dear Mr. Spend 'n Chomp, I got a Hermes scarf as a little gift for myself from your signing bonus - you'll see that and maybe a handbag on my Paypal/credit card statements.  Moving does have its benefits. ♡


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posted by little luxury list @ 11:19 AM  

24 Comments:

  • At March 17, 2010 at 11:28 AM , Blogger noone said...

    hmm. I broke up with my ex cuz we lived in 2 different places that are too far apart to drive by car. It might be different if I was married to someone and that happens though. But I'd be prepared to be a trophy wife if I have to quit my job now for it! hahaha

     

  • At March 17, 2010 at 11:33 AM , Blogger Connie @ SogniESorrisi said...

    I think its brave and wonderful of you to make the move with your partner!

     

  • At March 17, 2010 at 11:48 AM , Blogger Marie said...

    This comes at a really pertinent time as it's something I'm thinking about for J. I agree that I couldn't quite think about living apart and to look for the opportunities but it's pretty scary too! Good luck for your move and thanks for the thoughts, helps me a lot.

     

  • At March 17, 2010 at 12:21 PM , Blogger Kim said...

    I have never been in a long distance relationship - I know myself, and it would be too hard. I admire the compromise you have made. For me, moving out of California would mean having to take the bar exam again or possibly sacrificing my entire career if I were to move out of the country. Thankfully, my fiance and I are both California born and bred, with no immediate plans to move on the horizon.

    In the meantime, new scarves and handbags never hurt :)

     

  • At March 17, 2010 at 12:36 PM , Blogger (JIN) Love, Loss & Lacquer said...

    My husband left New York to join me in South Florida after a year of us doing the long distance thing - this was a year after being boyfriend and girlfriend. We are now married so clearly that worked out in our favor.

     

  • At March 17, 2010 at 1:41 PM , Blogger anna and the ring said...

    It is hard to be apart but if you can be together be together. Who knows what this opportunity holds for you?

     

  • At March 17, 2010 at 2:33 PM , Blogger drollgirl said...

    oh, i am so glad you are making it work. moves are very tough, but long distance is REALLY HARD. really hard. i used to have a bf that was a captain (as in captain of ships), and he was gone a lot. it makes for a lot of missing and tears, and fun reunions, but ultimately i couldn't handle it.

     

  • At March 17, 2010 at 3:19 PM , Blogger Helena - A Diary of Lovely said...

    hahaha love the end darling! I think you took the right decision, living so far from each other is not really a life I would recommend to anyone...

     

  • At March 17, 2010 at 5:21 PM , Blogger Sniff said...

    I guess I would have moved, depending on where to and also the circumstances. I would never have moved further north than I am already. I get way too moody in the cold, dark weather so I wouldn't be pleasant to live with if it got any worse. But moving further south I reckon I would be pretty happy to.

    As for your move, look at it as an opportunity - who nows what might happen if you're out and about? You'll get so see some exciting places as Singapore is a very conveniently placed hub for all trips around Asia and Oceania. You might meet some really interesting people. A lot of international companies have offices there, so you might be able to expand your network, and a career opportunity might even open up for yourself as well at a later time through those contacts?

    I've been to Singapore myself, and if I had a partner going there and it would mean an improvement of your finances, I'd pack my suitcase in a flash! Homesickness is of course an issue, but if it gets too bad, home in only a few hours flight away.

     

  • At March 17, 2010 at 5:35 PM , Blogger THE ALTERNATIVE WIFE said...

    You so deserved that Hermes scarf! And go ahead, get the bag ;)

     

  • At March 17, 2010 at 8:56 PM , Blogger Joie de Viv said...

    hahah! I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post! We were almost faced with a similar dilemma last December when my Mr. found out his whole department was being permanently outsourced. If he took a job at HQ´s we´d be across the country from each other or I´d have to leave my job (which I would do). Luckily it didn´t come to that - but I also hear you on choices to be made before starting a family. I think its so important people prioritize their relationships as they often get pushed on the backburners.

    and your rewards are def. well-deserved!

    xx Vivian @ http://diamondsandtulle.blogspot.com

     

  • At March 17, 2010 at 10:46 PM , Blogger Nat said...

    My husband almost had an opportunity to move to Germany for work and those few weeks that we thought it might happen were so exciting yet so scary because I've heard good and bad things about moving for your partner, but in the end I know I would have done it and survived!

    I'm glad it works so well for you two!

     

  • At March 17, 2010 at 11:48 PM , Blogger Mrs T said...

    Glad you get to be together all the time now!

     

  • At March 18, 2010 at 12:58 AM , Blogger Livie said...

    heehee what a cute post! it sounds exciting to move so far away, and quite a romantic adventure if you ask me.

    the long D thing is hard! my brother and his wife were long D (like 14 hour flight away) for the first 2 yrs of their relationship before they were married. if you can last through that kind of thing, I believe you can make it through nearly anything.

     

  • At March 18, 2010 at 3:00 AM , Blogger Denisa L said...

    sincerely, I don't think I could have done it!so congrats to you:)
    aww and congrats for the Hermes scarf too:)

     

  • At March 18, 2010 at 5:13 AM , Blogger Unknown said...

    me and my bf long distance also ><
    indonesia - canada
    soooo hard.. i hope i can thru this like you. maybe after graduate i ll move to canada haha
    but i dunno :)
    coz still hv no plan yet :)
    yay but im happy u move with ur bf together :)

     

  • At March 18, 2010 at 8:50 AM , Blogger Audrey Allure said...

    That's so great that you're making it work :) I certainly wouldn't be able to do long-distance relationships either.

     

  • At March 18, 2010 at 12:09 PM , Blogger BonBon Rose Girls Kristin said...

    I would say that moving to Singapore definitely deserves an Hermes goody! ah ha ha. Your love will definitely get you through this. And I LOVE the LOL maxi dress!!

     

  • At March 18, 2010 at 12:51 PM , Blogger Salt said...

    I would love to see this scarf please!

    When my husband and I first got together, we had about 2700 miles between us. I didn't move for him exactly (he was in my hometown so there was family and friends there for me also), but he was definitely a huge factor in my decision to come back.

     

  • At March 18, 2010 at 1:02 PM , Blogger honey my heart said...

    i don't know if i could ever do long distance. hubs stayed an extra year here while i was finishing college, it was a struggle at first bit we were fortunate enough to land jobs.

    you are amazing to move for mr. gadgets' job. and hooray for hermes!

     

  • At March 19, 2010 at 2:35 AM , Blogger Sarah said...

    I think that that is great that you're doing this move together and that you're sacrificing so much for him. When my husband was leaving for basic I was still in school in CA and planned on staying that way until I graduated. The long distance thing was going to be hard but we had no idea where he'd end up and I still had 3 years of school to go. In the end I couldn't take the distance and moved. I also transferred thinking I could do school here but that hasn't worked out. Now being away from him doesn't even seem like an option, but then again we weren't married yet at the time.

     

  • At March 21, 2010 at 5:47 PM , Blogger Unknown said...

    oh i love that tatoo.

    yeah long distance is hard.
    and when it came to the hardest test of not seeing each other for a while and living far far away for some time and we were sure to fight through and promised we will do it....
    and i really knew we would survive everything and packed my bags: eventually he was gone.

    there will always be a risk, even when you are not expecting it.
    so its hard to set the right priorities.
    but i guess if you in love you don't have a chance and
    you would do it again. hopefully ; )

     

  • At March 23, 2010 at 9:09 PM , Blogger Mo said...

    I'm glad you wrote the post, and thanks so much for sharing your experience with us all.
    I absolutely hate long distance after doing it three times for a total of 3-4 years of relationship time.
    It was such a sigh of relief to be together in the same location, even if it meant moving, and I'm so glad you get to be with Mr. Gadget and have adventures together.

     

  • At March 24, 2010 at 3:51 PM , Blogger chelsea said...

    haha We've considered a move for both of us, of course, but I think Mr. Smith would be most excited, so I've said if it happens, I get an LV. Fair is fair. :)

     

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